Desperate Remedies

Prabhu called me this morning and said that everybody has to come to the aid of the party in view of the desperate situation developing in the abode he still presides over. Prabhu said that as every one knows, he has stopped interfering in the running of the earth and has been confining himself primarily to the management of heaven, to which the better souls ascend after their sojourn on earth. He said he had dissociated himself from close supervision of earthly affairs, as it was becoming too complex a matter because of man’s frequent attempts to play God. But, He feared, even the running of his heavenly abode may fall into disarray in the absence of steps to improve the mix of people entering swarag.

Prabhu said that almost all the fresh entrants to heaven are from the category of very poor people, who commit no sins or crimes as they remain busy all their lives making both ends meet. They just do not have the time or energy to indulge in sinful conduct. Because of the pre-ponderance of poor people reaching heaven, there is an acute shortage of people with governance and management skills there. Politicians especially are nowhere to be seen.

Doing some loud thinking, Prabhu said that he had decided to lower the benchmark for politicians’ entry to heaven to get over the problem. Prabhu said that against the original requirement that a person had to do at least one good deed a day during his or her life’s journey to get entry to heaven, he had sometime back decided to make it one good deed a week in the case of politicians. But as this did not improve the intake of politicians substantially, He decided to lower the benchmark further to one good deed a month and later to one good deed a year for politicians. Prabhu said that with even this failing to improve politicians’ entry rate to heaven, He has decided that politicians, especially those from the Indian sub-continent, will now get assured entry into heaven if they do even one good deed in the whole of their lifetime.

Indicating that He is picking up modern business practices, Prabhu said that each politician now found eligible for entering heaven will be allowed to bring his or her spouse onto the exalted heights whether or not they are eligible in their own rights. Betraying further desperation, Prabhu said that each eligible politician would be allowed to bring up to four spouses to heaven, in view of Muslim men being allowed to keep four wives at a time. Prabhu said that this facility would be allowed to all politicians, whether Muslim or non-Muslim or men or women, as He did not want any discrimination among people on the ground of religion or gender.

Prabhu wanted the media to give full publicity to the discounted entry to heaven being offered to politicians, so that the scheme’s objective of getting more politicians to enter heaven is fulfilled. He said that if there is a good response to the scheme with the media’s cooperation, He would consider drawing up a similar one for the scribes.